Satan's Fondue Party MkII: The Sequel (It's Like Drugs, But Without the Drugs)

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Satan's Fondue Party MkII: The Sequel (It's Like Drugs, But Without the Drugs)

Post by Ishilar's Ego on Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:45 am



WELCOME TO SATAN'S FONDUE PARTY

*ahem*

So, yes. In our universe, there are things that nobody understands. Why isn't broccoli orange like cheese? Why isn't cheese made out of the moon? Why doesn't the moon live on the man? Why doesn't the man eat the broccoli on his plate? Why isn't broccoli orange like cheese? Why isn't cheese made out of the moon? Why doesn't the moon live on the man?

Incidentally, this RP is also one of those things, but we don't talk about that.

This is an RP in which nothing relevant happens. And if something relevant does happen, you can rest assured it was a complete accident and the perpetrators are being whipped with lasagna noodles as we speak.

This is an RP about a quest for truth, justice, love, free booze, candy, the right to tell kids to get off your lawn, and the almighty frag. It is also a parody of everything you love. So it's like Parody Quest except less exclusive.

This is an RP where everything you know is wrong. Nothing is sacred. But first, a story. The original story as hosted on that one website we don't talk about.


[div align=center]Loosely based on the basis of the basis of the fantastical misadventures of the FRP forum and its Junk Food Gods.[/div]

[div align=center]~Prologue~[/div]

[div align=center]Four score and seven years ago in a galaxy far, far away, an unspeakable evil was born. An evil so dark and nefarious, that we dare not speak its name. ((Sorry-- Copyright infringement laws. )) This terror was brought upon ourselves by talk of illustrious lifestyles in which we live solely of the land--You know, that voo-doo witch-doctor crap that the pinko-commies believe in. But anyway, regardless of whether or not we brought our suffering upon ourselves, something had to be done. When faced with such unspeakable terror, one man brought forth a ray of lemon scented hope to liberate our unfortunate souls. This man was none other than Howard, the great and almighty druid of the mythological forces of Neo. And with his mighty Frag of unrestrained justice he--*Insert really long, cheesy monologue about his epic battle with the greatest evil humanity has ever known. No. Really. It's not 'cuz I'm lazy.*-- And so, with Howard's final breath, he sealed the foul beast away with a finishing effort. Oh, what a most unfortunate final breath it was. No amount of orbits gum or tic-tac mints could cure this most untoward inhalation. With the beast sealed, Howard fell-- His frag shattering into many different pieces, and scattering across the universe and its many dimensions in the most infuriating plot-convenience kind of way. Dying alone, No one could hear Howard's final words…. "I know that this is going to create a horrifically stupid spin-off in the future, so please heed my words… The seal is only temporary, and will wear of in three-hundred years time. Due to the creator's half-assed nature, I can't say I'm surprised, but whatever. When that time comes, the chosen ones will know… Don't ask me how, they just *bleep*ing will, Okay!? God, I need a beer….."

Never mind the fact that Four score and seven years ago in no way equals three-hundred years.
And if your asking how I know what he said if he was alone when he died, then *bleep* you.


*cough* And so, with the utterance of his last words, Howard faded away in a really cool, monumental death-scene kind of way. The ones you see in video games and manga, but never in real life.

And so, he was never seen again. Because he was dead. Duh. (Though some evil, blasphemous beings claim that he never really died for our sins, and is instead running some beat-down little webpage in Canada. But we know that isn't true.

And so, time flows on....

~Story~

Three hundred and two (Omigawd, he was off by two! >=O Some Sacred Druid Howard turned out to be. >=[ ) years later, the seepage of evil has become very much apparent. Teenagers are beating up old ladies and old ladies are beating up teenagers, Children's show icons are dying of drug overdoses and we can no longer trust the good word of our political leaders. But that's only scratching the surface!! With the birth of the farmer's market and a cult-like following of Al gore, several freakish organizations have formed… organizations that threaten the future of all that is unhealthy and fattening! That's right!! The unspeakable alliance has taken on the form of those vile, loathsome.... VEGGIE PEOPLE!!

The broccoli your mom makes you eat, the Brussels sprouts in your cheap, inedible cafeteria meals…. The Lettuce in your wilted McDonald's salad!! All those icky, nasty, tasteless things…. All of them, corrupted by the unspeakable evil! The unspeakable evil is trying to use the most underhanded trick possible to bring us to our knees… It is attempting to exploit the deep hatred that every person secretly has! The hatred of health food in general! The farmer market's feed its power, and the brainless protein-shake guzzling muscle heads are enslaved by it's leafy badness…. Oh, woe is the fate of all humankind~!! As we all quake in fear, a miraculous thing occurs! Gradually, our unlikely heroes realize their purpose in this doomed, doomed universe. They must band together, all the while avoiding the plot-hole that explains how they know of the Frag Pieces and Unspeakable evil, and travel across the many different dimensions of the universe!

.....Using a device known as the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube that is in no way related to the critically acclaimed Xbox360 game, Portal. Razz

Now, with the use of said portal guns, the heroes must travel across the threads of space into entirely foreign realities -- And before you jump to conclusions, this is nothing like that movie I've never seen or that syndicated spin-off series that it birthed. If you choose to interpret it as such, you will be sacked, for (as I said) I have never seen that movie before. Razz .... But, all things aside, it WAS a good movie, eh? -- In order to piece together the great and mighty Frag, so that they may once again perform a temporary and half-assed fix to a long term problem. (And later push the unspeakable evil onto future generations. Hey-- They'll be dead. So it wont be their problem anymore. :whatever: ) Because once they seal away the unspeakable evil, the can return to having a li....lif...e.....li-- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! [i][/size]

They can return to doing whatever it was they did in the first place.

So, whether they *bleep*ing like it or not, the chosen ones must set out upon an epically-stupid journey.
Can they collect all the pieces of the frag before the evil systematically destroys all the realities we know and love. Can they do it? Will they do it? Or will they sit around on their asses talking about Death Note as the universe as we know it comes to an end!!?





This was all a thing that happened long ago. Time has passed (again). Nobody really knows what the Chosen ones did, because they never finished the RP. And reboots are for pussies. So we're just making a sequel to something that never finished in the first place.

So, ancient sealed evil and whatnot. I'm sure you guys will figure out what to do and stuff.

Character sheets are in the corner underneath the fondue. Please crumple them up and throw them on the floor when you're done.

Name that we will ignore in lieu of a hilarious and/or degrading nickname:
Age: (under or over is all that matters)
Occupation that Yes, We Know it Sucks:
History That Nobody Cares About:
Personality: Haha, just kidding.
Weapon: Why would you need one? Just what sort of fondue party do you think this is?
Other Additional Info for Us to Not Read:

By the way, there isn't any fondue at this fondue party.


I would now like to take a moment of silence for the original story/RP as told by the late Chromalei F. Grandpa. I'd link it, but I'm not allowed to since my account is still new.

...Thank you.
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Ishilar's Ego

Posts : 91
Join date : 2012-04-25
Age : 27
Location : Candy Land

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Re: Satan's Fondue Party MkII: The Sequel (It's Like Drugs, But Without the Drugs)

Post by Rust on Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:29 pm

Name that we will ignore in lieu of a hilarious and/or degrading nickname: The Rusticus
Age: Somewhere in the vicinity of the legality of alcohol
Occupation that Yes, We Know it Sucks: Saver of Damsels
History That Nobody Cares About: Once, he was born. He generally regarded this as a bad move, and slapped his mother. From there, he grew up, which kind of angered him, but whatever. He's now roaming the land, looking for damsels to save. Because it seemed like a reasonable career path at the time.
Personality: Imagine me, but... No, just me, nevermind.
Weapon: The Rusticus prefers to use his fists.
Other Additional Info for Us to Not Read: He also has a jacket. It is camouflage.
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Rust

Posts : 308
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 28
Location : Florida

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