Neo-Passé
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

+4
Nissadex
Rust
Alle
BSmith
8 posters

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by BSmith Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:28 am

Ish, you come up with the best titles. Anyway, getting serious for a moment:

Got something on your mind? Real life getting you down? We're a tightly-knit bunch here, so if there's anything serious you'd like to talk about, or get support for or advice on, that's what this thread is for. Let's not do it in the GD, that's for silliness and general shenanigans. Here you can get actual support and advice from people who love you and support you even though you're hundreds (or sometimes thousands) of miles away.

MAKE WITH THE MUSHY-GUSHY!
BSmith
BSmith

Posts : 300
Join date : 2009-05-21
Age : 33
Location : New England

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Alle Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:52 am

*mushes some gush and eats it while watching The Notebook and sobbing*

In all seriousness, I would like to take advantage of our new awesome forum to be a teddy bear and let all of you know how much I value your friendship. I know I have a tendency to vanish offline for a while, then magically reappear. Never at any point have I stopped respecting you all as people. I am just anxious, depressed, and possibly bipolar (we're testing for that, actually. It's either that or a brain tumor. Sure hope I'm bipolar!)

The revival of this forum came at a really good time. I said on the general talky thread place that I was home for medical reasons, but what really happened was that I tried to kill myself. Obviously I failed (OR I AM A REALLY AWESOME GHOST) and that's why I'm home. I'm home until I figure out how to be a mindful, self-aware, and properly medicated.

And...yeah. I'm not being very eloquent right now. I should probably fix that cause I'm a writer. Just wanted to express my appreciation. When I was home schooled, I always looked forward to the hours I would get to spend on Neo, because there were awesome people there. Here's to you guys.

Alle
Alle

Posts : 129
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 32
Location : Indiana

http://rebeccakaustin.weebly.com

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Rust Fri Apr 27, 2012 1:18 am

Suicide? Seems to be a lot going around these days. Still, I wish the best for you. We would all be sad if you had succeeded Sad
The world needs your genius, Becca!

I've been suffering a bit from depression lately. A year ago I had my own apartment which I had with my girlfriend, and a pretty good job at a warehouse. Well, as good as a warehouse job could be, anyway. I had lost a lot of weight due to the constant workout that was my job, and I had a good thing going for me.

In August she brought her cat into the apartment to live with us and everything was fine. I wanted to get a dog (two pets per apartment), but I wanted a big dog and we lived on the second floor. Having a 150+ pound dog on the second floor is just bad news, imo. So we got... another cat! Unfortunately... It turns out that I inherited from my mother allergies to cats. With two of them around I really couldn't function. I took days off work, too many days, and didn't have all of my doctor's notes and I was asked to quit or be fired. Since I'm naive, I quit on my own behalf, and couldn't get Unemployment benefits. That was September. I am still unemployed, and still looking.

My girlfriend and I lived off of savings and promises until we were eventually evicted in January. I moved into my parent's house, and she moved in with her best friend because it was closer to the college. Eventually, she started getting charged and moved in with me. We currently have a debt of a few thousand dollars between us.

I hadn't been in school at all last year, due to not being used to such a physically demanding job, so this year I went back since I only needed one more math credit in order to pass with a AA in English. I... failed that miserably, because I didn't go see the tutors and couldn't remember most of the things from algebra. My mother was pissed at that and went off on me sometime earlier in the week. Now most of my day is spent trying to find a job. Vocational Rehabilitation is supposed to be helping me, since I have ADHD, but there just seems to be red tape everywhere. I requested assistance back in October-November, and I'm still wading through the muck.

So... Yeah, lots of debt, stress in the family and just shit. It's not as bad as some of the things going on, but I suffer from Chronic Depression and mood swings. Overall, I'm not very well equipped when it comes to stress.

I think that's it :<
Rust
Rust

Posts : 308
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 34
Location : Florida

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:09 am

Ho boy.

Before this past Christmas, my life had been going pretty well. I had a loving boyfriend of three years (who had proposed to marry me a few days before I left for Christmas vacation) a great horse, a huge set of friends, a college deal where I'd probably end up going to one of America's most highly ranked universities, and many other awesome life awesomeness.

My pseudo-boyfriend-sort-of-ex and I are both pansexual (meaning we not only love both binary genders, but all the weird mixes in between, like trans* people and gender queer folk) along with both of us being two-spirit or gender fluid (Meaning, sometimes I really, REALLY wish I had a dick. Sometimes I'm more of a guy than a girl.) We're also wild and stupid and we had the brilliant idea that maybe someday we'd like to have a polyamorous relationship with someone else. I had this friend named Lara who I think is drop-dead gorgeous and Cam seemed to get along alright with her too, so we theoretically talked about picking her up as a girlfriend.

Cam is... lonely. He's a lonely person. Normally, when I'd leave on trips, he'd sit at home and do nothing and be bored and lonely, so when I was going to go to New Orleans over Christmas, I recommended to him that he go and hang out with Lara. (Key words: Hang out.)
Cam is also... a sap. A hopeless romantic. While I'm away at Louisiana, he... falls head over heels for this girl. So I come home, and he makes it out to imply that he thought what I meant by "hang out" was "start a relationship" (which he later told me was just a justification for the feelings he developed for her.) So he wants us to have a three-way relationship.

But here's the problem. I wanted one, but only when I was emotionally prepared for it, and I certainly was not. I had been suffering from minor depression and I really wanted a lot of affection from Cam at the time. I had not given consent for the relationship and I didn't want it. Since, however, he made it out like I'd given him permission, I went along with it for awhile, until it was too much to manage.

In the time since then, Cam and Lara have both lied to me numerous times. They continued to do things together even after they said they'd stopped. Repeatedly. Cam eventually broke up with us both, to have some soul searching time. He's in California right now with his older brother getting drunk every night. He returns home tomorrow.

To make matters weirder, even though he's "single" we still have sex, kiss, love each other.... but I don't know if he does that stuff with Lara, and he won't let me tell her what we're up to.

I've gotten to the point where I don't care what he does with Lara, I just want to keep him, because I know in my heart that leaving him will not make me happy, and putting up with his bullshit is the happiest choice for me, for now.

Also since Christmas-- my father has started exhibiting the early signs of Alzheimer's. Right now we're looking at a decade left before his functionality is gone.

My dog died, the one I got when I was four. He was my best friend through all the hardest times in my life. I miss him every day.

My 1st horse was injured and crippled permanently. He should never be ridden again, but instead he has a single month to prove that he can carry someone on his back while he walks or else he has to be put down.

My grandparents both fell into sickness and depression and it's unclear whether they'll recover, they both have a high chance of mortality

Many of my friends ended up getting overwhelmed by the magnitude of my suffering, and/or sided with Lara (for some reason wtf ><) and therefore I've lost a large chunk of my friend group.

I got denied from that college deal. Up until a week ago I had no college plans, until thankfully I got some good news and found out I'd received an $80,000 scholarship to go to Allegheny College in northern PA.

I was out with a friend three days before my eighteenth birthday when I accidentally double-dosed on my sleeping medication/sedative medication, passed out on her boyfriend's roommate's couch, and was raped by him in my sleep.

I got so depressed and suicidal from all of this stuff that I was hospitalized for a week in February. While I was there I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia, which apparently I've had my entire life with anxiety based inability to sleep, and I never really knew that. I've picked up the bad addiction of cutting, though thankfully I've been cut-free for a few weeks now. I started going to therapy and I'm on a medication panel. Right now my goal is to fucking survive until I go to college. I know my life will be better once I get there. My secondary goal is to continue to be with Cam, at least for now, but if that fails.... just survive, Kris. Just survive.

This forum reopening happened at a good time. I can really use the support and creative output right now. Thanks for being here for me. I know... that I'm kind of typing this matter-of-factly, but that's not because.... not because it's not true or important to me. It's just... I guess I've gotten so dissociated from all this shit that I don't even really commit myself emotionally to it anymore. I'm going with the flow. I don't think anymore. It hurts too much.

Anyways. It feels good to type this all out, even if the anxious part of me is terrified of you guys judging me/ thinking I'm lying/ going to disown me, even though I know that's highly illogical. I guess I'll just post this while I have the nerve and hope for the best.

EDIT: I also forgot... because of the depression, too, I've lost approximately thirty pounds since Christmas from not eating. I haven't taken a picture of myself lately, but.... suffice to say there's a lot less of me, now.


Last edited by Nissadex on Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:17 am; edited 1 time in total
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Rust Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:15 am

You don't have to worry about us disowning you, Kris. Hell, I'm sure there's a few (read: everyone here) of us who'd take the time to kick someone's ass where appropriate.

I don't know, that's a lot to take in, and I don't really have the experience necessary to give you advice =[
Rust
Rust

Posts : 308
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 34
Location : Florida

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by BSmith Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:17 am

Wow. I restarted this forum at a really, REALLY good time, apparently.

I love you all. So much. I really want to meet you guys so I can give you hugs.

I'll let you guys know what happened with me about two years ago in a little bit; don't have time to write about it right now.
BSmith
BSmith

Posts : 300
Join date : 2009-05-21
Age : 33
Location : New England

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:22 am

D'aww thanks <3

As a separate post, I wanted to give love to you and Allie, too.

For Allie, I wanted to let you know that one of my closest friends has Bi-polar, and they're still one of the most fantastic people I've ever met. And obviously, I can sympathize with the suicide thing. I hope you know that I still have utmost respect for you, and I think you're just fabulous.

And for Rust, Have some Claritin.

...

Just kidding. Honestly, although I can't say I've been in your situation before, I feel like it would suck, and suck hard. I'm really sorry life is kicking you right now. If anything I'd just say do what I'm trying to do and keep movin' forward, even if it's balls. You need to watch the Rocky movies. It'll help TRUST ME trust me.
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Graven Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:00 am

Your statement was like a really good novel to me, Kris. I felt a wide range of emotion and ended up dropping my jaw at most points. Now I'm really angry. I shouldn't have came in here >_>

But, even to those of you I don't know very well...I care, and I'm here for you as well. We're all together in this. If for whatever reason anyone ever needs my ear, just let me know.

Oh, also watch Gurren Lagann. Same feel as Rocky.

Kris! I love you <3
Graven
Graven

Posts : 52
Join date : 2012-04-25
Age : 31
Location : Canada

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:05 am

Rhys! I love you too <3 you're my favorite.
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Ishilar's Ego Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:11 am

I...um...have had a really good life compared to pretty much everybody else here. This is probably why I'm so over-the-top sunshiney happy all the time. Well, that, and it's my firm belief that laughing makes everything better. It doesn't change a damn thing, but it makes you feel better.

The worst I've ever had it was I dated one of my best friends, and she has a lot of emotional baggage. She was in a near-constant state of depression and physical pain, was incredibly uncomfortable with anyone touching her whatsoever, and there were numerous times I had to talk her out of killing herself.

The worst I ever had to deal with was the stress. Well, that, and right when I thought things were going great, she decided to jump back to her ex, then I stopped talking to her, then I did again and she wanted to be with me. And things were amazing for a week, then she went and got engaged to a completely new guy.

And then I was depressed for...eight months. That was three months ago.

SO ANYWAY. I AM NOW HERE TO BE A BEACON OF HOPE AND LIGHT AND SUNSHINEY THINGS, BECAUSE ALL OF YOU NEED EPIC HUGS AND CHEERING UP.

It hurts to see the light at first and you may not like it, but don't shy away from it. It's a good thing. Bearing in mind, of course, that I am in no way qualified to give any sort of advice, but whatever.

Becca: I...um...please do not succeed at killing yourself at any point in your life. That's really Not a Good Thing. You're so awesome, and I'm an awesome friend, so if you're ever feeling Not-Awesome, you should talk to me and I will lend you some of my awesomeness. Here's hoping everything gets sorted out in the best way possible. And if the best way possible still sucks, then I will personally sort things out in the best way impossible. BECAUSE I CAN. I believe you know this.

Rusticus: If it would help you get money, I would happily throw a Smash tournament for you and let you win. Stress really sucks. This, at least, I can relate to. Combatting it and depression at the same time, though, is really rough. My advice for stressed people has almost always been to focus on the good things in life that you have instead of what you don't have. LIKE THIS EPIC FORUM FILLED WITH FRIENDS AND AWESOME PEOPLE. YOU'RE AWESOME AND YOU SHOULD FEEL AWESOME.

Nissa: You...I...HUG. NOW. Life kinda just decided to flip you off. Hard. All at once. ._.
I don't want to...insult you, I guess is what I'm looking for, but your situation reminds me A LOT of this girl I used to date, as mentioned above. With the weird boyfriend relationship, the cutting, the depression, the medication, and the myriad of medical issues with your family and yourself as well.
I really, truly, hope things work out well for you (and all of you, really), because I would not wish even half of that on anybody. Again, I can only relate to some of what you're going through secondhand, but if you ever want a complete stranger's opinion, you know where I'll be.


So, to all of you, I am now offering free hugs until the End of Time (you have 8 months). I will even go out and buy a giant teddy bear costume so that you can cuddle with me if it ever becomes necessary. BUT YOU HAVE TO SHARE. And not rip my stuffing out.



And now, I guess, I'll just close with my own very minor life problem.

So, okay. Not sure about the rest of you, but I don't just love writing. I want to do it for a living. I want to write novels forever and ever. And...nobody in my family supports this. They say I'll be piss poor and in debt (probably true), are constantly telling me to consider a different career (something in computers, always with that), and just...being very unsupportive of every attempt I make to actually do what I want to do.

As you might imagine, that tends to affect...everything I do. Including writing. And I'm already very critical of myself, so then I spiral into depression and don't want to write, and when I climb back out, I get hit again and I get caught in the same vicious cycle.

Which is bad, because writing makes up roughly...90% of my plans for the future. So, yeah. Nothing huge compared to the rest of you. Just my family dissing my future. ._.
Ishilar's Ego
Ishilar's Ego

Posts : 91
Join date : 2012-04-25
Age : 33
Location : Candy Land

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:22 am

Blaaaah I dislike it greatly when people belittle their own life problems. There's this book by Viktor Frankl (which all of you should read) called Man's Search For Meaning. In it, there's this analogy about human suffering and sadness. Frankl compares suffering to a gas and humans to containers. When a portion of gas enters a container, it spreads out to fill all volume of that container. It doesn't matter how much gas there is, it will expand fully to consume the area it's put in. The only difference is the pressure/temperature... but mostly people have a higher pressure capacity than they think, and just because a container is under less internal pressure does not mean the gas isn't all consuming. This is the same with human suffering and human capacity to suffer.

While it's possible that my issues have more immediate pressure, that doesn't mean you should belittle your own suffering. Your parents aren't encouraging you to follow your dreams? I'd say that's pretty fucking stressful. If I was in your position I would not be a happy camper. Not only that, but you said the bit about your ex... and coming from experience, even if you're feeling better and it's not slowing you down, the scar is still there, I am sure, and it's not... easy. None of what you're going through is easy.

Respect your own pain, goofball. And fuck your parents-- do what you love or you'll be forever miserable.
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Ishilar's Ego Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:27 am

I am a goofball.

But I'd also argue that I'm not belittling my problems necessarily, just saying they aren't as bad, or immediate, as what other people are going through.


In any case, I'm acknowledging them here, which is more than I've ever done elsewhere. SO PROGRESS. IT HAPPENS.
Ishilar's Ego
Ishilar's Ego

Posts : 91
Join date : 2012-04-25
Age : 33
Location : Candy Land

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by BSmith Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:33 am

Well, since we're all telling our sob stories, let me describe to you the love ordeal I went through a couple years back.

I was in a pretty good relationship with my still-girlfriend Michelle, but it was kind of stagnating. Just a little; the mid-relationship lull, if you will, since we had been dating for about a year and a half at that point. Anyway, I won’t go into huge detail, but me and my friend Kayla wound up making out one night. Don’t ask me how it happened, I don’t even remember myself.

This normally would have been no real big deal; I talked with her about it, we decided to move on and that was that. All over and done with. ...Except for a month later, when a simple “I’m stranded, can I crash in your dorm for the night?” turned into one hell of a night for me.

I wasn’t about to deny it after that; I had feelings for the girl. Strong ones, strong enough to make me question my relationship with Michelle. And yet, I didn’t break things off. I don’t know what it was, whether I was afraid of hurting her, or afraid of Kayla’s reputation as a man-eater (that girl was going through boyfriends like nobody’s business), or what, but something kept me from ending the relationship. Even through two more months of being on-and-off with Kayla, I couldn’t bring myself to break Michelle’s heart. Honestly, I was truly in love with both of them at once, and it killed me inside. I never let it show, but I was miserable, because my relationship with Michelle was stopping me from being with Kayla, and my longing for Kayla was killing my relationship with Michelle, and I couldn't bring myself to end either one; I truly had feelings for both of them.

Long story short, I’m still with Michelle. I made the executive decision to just get as far away from Kayla as possible. She demonstrated one too many times that what we had was fleeting (including finding a new boyfriend during our fling), and I wasn’t about to break Michelle’s heart only to have mine broken in turn. And, by the by, Kayla is now pregnant. None of us know who the father is. So yeah, I think I made the right choice.

Thing is, I still love her. To this day, I can’t be around her without feeling that twinge, and it fucking SUCKS.
BSmith
BSmith

Posts : 300
Join date : 2009-05-21
Age : 33
Location : New England

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:44 am

Oh my god Smithy can I get you to talk to Cam please I feel like you and him are friggin' kindred spirits >_>

I mean, Lara is even more unstable than me and has never had a long lasting relationship (instead she tends to get pissed off at the weirdest things and then accuses the guys of like molesting her or something) but I feel like Cam is in exactly the same position you were in. He's in love with us both, and even though I don't think that in and of itself is wrong, I don't think he'd be happy if he left me. His feelings are real, but Lara is bad news.

I think it's totally valid for you to still have these leftover feelings for Kayla, but... you had the sense to suppress them. And maybe I'm biased, but I think you made the right choice, honestly.... Maybe sometime down the road you and Michelle won't be together but obviously Kayla is kind of a mess and even if she's alluring, you are conscious of the fact it won't work. And maybe... maybe someday those feelings will go away. Or they won't. It doesn't really matter in the end-- love is irrational and it doesn't have to make sense.
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Ishilar's Ego Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:48 am

Speaking from experience, feelings as deep and strong as love, or even just really strong infatuation, don't ever go away. They can fade with time, or turn into something nastier like hatred, but they never just disappear.

It sucks, it really does, feeling that twinge in your heart every time you lay eyes on that someone or someones, especially if the feelings are still fresh so to speak.
Ishilar's Ego
Ishilar's Ego

Posts : 91
Join date : 2012-04-25
Age : 33
Location : Candy Land

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:52 am

I don't know... There are guys I dated that I loved profoundly, stopped loving, left, maybe was uncomfortable with for awhile, but then became indifferent to and then maybe even became friends with. My certainly there is no twinge of love or hate when I see them. Maybe there's lingering feelings of an old companion, but they are no more strong than looking at someone I once was close friends with and am no more.
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by BSmith Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:55 am

The main difference between my situation and yours, Niss, is that Michelle had no clue what was going on. To this day, she doesn't know, and I intend to keep it that way. She's... fragile.

And hell yes I made the right decision. I despise that bitch now. Still love her, but hate her guts. XD
BSmith
BSmith

Posts : 300
Join date : 2009-05-21
Age : 33
Location : New England

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:58 am

Yeah but it's still similar Dx and you could be all like "I totes understand how you feel brah, lemmie just give you some solid, and be all empathetic and shit, and you'll totally know to go back to bangin' your hot fiance instead of messin' around with this bad-news Lara chick, brah!"

EDIT: You have no idea how many red underlines firefox put in this post for misspelled words xD
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by The Masked Man Fri Apr 27, 2012 9:25 pm

You all have such serious problems. It makes me feel that I should be ashamed for being as erratic and pitiful as I've been. I'll talk through it though, just for the sake of participating.

Realistically, my life is pretty sweet. I have a wonderful relationship with a beautiful, friendly girl, and close-knit family who loves me very much and would give anything to see me succeed in any ridiculous endeavor, a beautiful home in the most beautiful slice of earthly paradise you can imagine, plenty of food to eat, good health, and wonderful friends. I am pursuing enlightenment and have recently developed the ability to start grinning like a maniac, sincerely too, just because I think the sky is pretty.

I am also a perfectionist, and tend to be very, very, hard on myself in regards to any tiny flaw I perceive in my own character, abilities, or achievements.

For those of you who don't know, I've been student teaching at a local high school for a few months now, and I've loved it so much. This is truly, truly, what I was born to do; I can almost feel it. But as with all things, this must pass. . .I'm graduating soon, and the national market for teachers is poor. The odds of finding a job in my field are a bit on the slim side.

My girlfriend is graduating next fall because of a scheduling hiccup. It is my fondest wish that by the time she gets out I should have a job and a modest little home for us to live in together. My misery stems from the risk that I might not be able to reach that goal.

Like I said, comparatively simple. . .right? It's hard to understand unless you're me, I guess. I tie everything directly to my personal performance and worth as a human being. A minor setback to most people is a dire personal failure to me. I break something? I'm a bad person. I lose my temper? Why am I acting like this, oh my God send me to jail I'm evil. A friend is upset and I fail to cheer them up? Find my katana and my second, it's honorable suicide time.

I know its silly, selfish, and a waste of energy, but I just can't control these impulses, this desire to be flawless even though part of me knows that flawlessness is unattainable. I have no real problems. Nothing is wrong with my life. I just make things wrong with this ridiculous attitude of mine.
The Masked Man
The Masked Man

Posts : 63
Join date : 2012-04-24

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 10:06 pm

Do I need to re-quote my earlier post about Frankl and SUFFERING BEING ALL CONSUMING NO MATTER THE QUANTITY?

Oh my goodness. Quite honestly, I think I can utterly understand the stress of your position. There is nothing "comparatively simple" about looking for a job in the teaching market, especially in PA. Moreover, I have several friends who are in your exact situation-- one of my closest karate senpai just got finished student teaching in Spanish and I don't see his life as being particularly less full of suffering than mine.

I can also understand the perfectionist mindset, even if I don't recommend it. Although I don't consider myself to be a perfectionist, probably my greatest fear is that one day it'll be proven that I'm an awful, cold-hearted monster and everyone will finally realize and stop thinking I'm a nice person so they'll abandon me and the worst part will be that I totally fucking deserve it. Illogical, I know. But truly a terror-inducing fear.

Regardless... *baps with fist* stop belittling your own suffering. All of you.
D:< Your pain is valid, there ain't no two ways about it.
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Tiger of Wu Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:10 pm

I'm lurking, and doing a poor job of it, and I felt the need to muscle in and echo what Nissa has been saying. Issues can always be measured against each other and people can say that one issue is bigger or worse than another issue, but pain is always relative, and always complicated. You can say your problems aren't as 'bad' as ours, but then ours are laughable in the face of countless tragedies happening to other people in this world anyway. That doesn't automatically stop something from being painful. So long is it hurts you then it's a problem, and so long as it's a problem then people want to help you, and that's pretty much what this thread is and we all are here for.

I would reply to some stuff here specifically but... I just can't right now. However I'd feel a bit of a dick offering nothing after you guys have spilt so much. So I'll just start with a few simple words on my present state and do the whole replying to things-thing later. I had to explain my cousin's death to two different people today, and it was very difficult to verbally solidify the situation without punching someone. I also miss Senny quite a lot, and have a feeling that a harsh depressive phase in my cycle is about to hit. That's about all I can offer at the moment without crying and breaking things. I want to hug you all. Except for Rust, that guy's a jerk.


Last edited by Tiger of Wu on Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:20 pm; edited 2 times in total
Tiger of Wu
Tiger of Wu

Posts : 48
Join date : 2009-05-25
Age : 31
Location : Your butt

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Nissadex Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:13 pm

*hug*

...

*hug*
Nissadex
Nissadex

Posts : 169
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 29
Location : Pittsburgh, PA

http://rockpapersinner.tumblr.com/

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Alle Sat Apr 28, 2012 12:55 am

*hugs ALL THE TIGERS*

;___;
Alle
Alle

Posts : 129
Join date : 2009-05-22
Age : 32
Location : Indiana

http://rebeccakaustin.weebly.com

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Ishilar's Ego Sat Apr 28, 2012 1:25 am

GROUP HUG IN THE TEDDY BEAR THREAD NAO.

*hugs the Tiger and the everybody*
Ishilar's Ego
Ishilar's Ego

Posts : 91
Join date : 2012-04-25
Age : 33
Location : Candy Land

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by The Masked Man Sat Apr 28, 2012 3:58 am

This is today's haiku (also posted in the thread). I still feel stressed and frightened and even a bit grim, but something about what I've written rings true. I hope it has the same effect for you guys.

Fields blackened by flames
will one day yield new forests.
Nothing conquers life.
The Masked Man
The Masked Man

Posts : 63
Join date : 2012-04-24

Back to top Go down

The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread Empty Re: The Emotional Teddy Bear Thread

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum